Tuesday, June 13, 2017


i picked this blog back up in february...and there it sat. i must have dreamed about having free time to post or something.

well, here's an update.

presley is currently potty trained. she OWNED that princess potty back in march like it was her J.O.B. and was potty trained in three days. now, don't get me wrong, there were lots of tears and "I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE!", but those were 100% from me. i basically lived in the small hallway half-bath for three days with a baby on my boob, sitting on a tiny step stool, supervising a toddler watching 87 billion youtube kids videos of other kids (and some adults?) opening toys. #glamorous.

eli is SEVEN months old in a few days...ummm what? as i'm typing this he is army crawling across the floor desperately trying to find something dangerous to put in his mouth. my milk production issues were resolved and he weighed almost 17 lbs at his 6 month checkup. PRAISE HANDS.

i get to shower a little more often now. so, life is definitely smelling a little better.

i also ventured into a new little side gig... LIPSENSE.
to be honest, i'm not quite sure what i'm doing. i'm so introverted and selfies make me SO uncomfortable, so this little venture isn't easy, but you just can't help who you love... and i love me some lipsense. so i'm posting selfies and being super awkward over on my facebook page. at least my lips look good.

so that's where life's at today. i'd say i'll be back tomorrow...buttttt....

Thursday, February 23, 2017

bodily fluids.

i'm sitting here in two (or maybe three?) day old pajamas that are never fully buttoned up the front, wondering when my last shower was. i remember when my husbands last shower was, because of course he takes one every night. it must feel nice to be clean all the time. at any given moment i may have traces of every type of bodily fluid you can imagine on me...even those that are more solid than fluid. like boogers. what happened to me that i'm not even phased by all of these really gross things?
that's right, i became a mother. and now my life revolves around bodily fluids.
for instance.
1. in the last three days i have cried more about breastmilk than i've ever cried over any ex-boyfriend. if you would have told me 10 years ago (when i was a mere child. ha), that i'd be crying over my sons latch, i would have laughed. i would have said, "that's a really funny joke. a really weird, but funny, joke." but here i sit. with tears in my eyes because i'm concerned my boobs aren't giving that liquid gold like they should.
2. my daughter is 2 1/2 and is about as excited about potty training as i am about dieting. like, "yeah, we'll start monday" kinda thing. it's smart really, her still using diapers. she never has to take time out of her busy youtube kids watching day to sit on the toilet for a few minutes. she's a time-saver, i respect it. but for real, i'm over changing "i-just-pooped-and-sat-down-and-bounced-around-on-my-butt" diapers. i'm convinced they smell worse everyday. i don't even worry about nose hair, because the smell of her poop diapers have burned all mine off. and let's not get started on diaper "genies". it's 2017...i'm not asking for a diaper pail that turns dirty diapers into reusable shopping bags. all i want is a diaper pail that doesn't smell like a homeless man took a dump in.

so that's my life, at the moment. i figured i'd pick this blog back up so in 20 years (when i'm sure the internet will be something we laugh about, like AOL chat rooms, and landlines) i can remember what it felt like to be in the trenches of mothering two small children....as if i will be any less ridiculous when my kids are 20 and 22. i'm pretty sure i'll be that mom...tracking their phones (or maybe i'll just get them microchipped?), and they will still be sleeping in cribs and i'll have video monitors in their dorm rooms. sorry kids, not sorry.